


if i’m not dancing with you

by neverletyoufall



Category: tom holland - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Dancer AU, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-30
Updated: 2020-01-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:22:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22476313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neverletyoufall/pseuds/neverletyoufall
Summary: dancing with tom has always been easy. effortless.perfect. until he pushes you to do a lift that you aren’t ready for and you have to decide whether being there for your best friend’s biggest performance is more important than holding on to the past.
Relationships: Tom Holland x Reader - Relationship
Kudos: 6





	if i’m not dancing with you

･ ｡ﾟ : *. ･ ｡ﾟ⊹ : *. ･ ｡ﾟ : *. ･ ｡ﾟ⊹ : *.

“Are you really not coming?” Harrison asked for the millionth time, tightening the last few buttons on his shirt.

You had already told him no and considering you hadn’t changed out of the t-shirt and shorts you wore to bed the night before, your hair was a mess, and you had your face buried in the pages of your favorite book —- which wasn’t really working as the distraction you needed it to be, did it really _look_ like you had plans to leave the house? **No**.

“I told you I’m not going, Haz, and besides…”

**I’m tired. I have to catch up on some studying… for finals that aren’t for another three months. I- just really don’t want to go.**

None of the excuses you wanted to give him would work and you knew that. Harrison knew the _real_ reason you didn’t want to go to Tom’s recital but that hadn’t stopped him from begging you to all week. “Tom doesn’t want me there.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it, Y/N.” He shot an icy glare in your direction, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned against the doorframe.

“Is it? I certainly didn’t get an invite…”

“Right, because his constant calling and texts over the last month don’t count.”

You shrugged, even though you knew he was right. Tom _had_ tried to contact you but every call was ignored and all his texts were left on ‘Read’.

“You guys had a fight, I get it. I just— don’t want you to regret not being there. You know better than I do that this is an important night for him… just promise me you’ll think about it?” His tone softened as he gave you a small, hopeful smile.

With a sigh, you turned your attention back to your book, for no real reason other than hoping Harrison would get the hint that you wanted to be left alone and leave. “Fine. I’ll think about it.”

Of course you knew how important it was… because it was _supposed_ to be important for you, too.

•

Dance had always been your escape; your way of feeling free on a Wednesday afternoon because you were already behind on homework and it was only the middle of the week. Friday nights at the pub, drowning out the drunken crowd and the rest of the world that are always just too damn **loud**. Your ability to forget that anyone else existed when you were having a bad day, shuffling through your Spotify playlist and letting it all go. Dancing had always been a part of who you were, even after your accident. You couldn’t imagine not doing it because your life without the one thing that brought you the most happiness just wasn’t an option.

But, it took awhile to feel comfortable in your own skin again. So long, that you almost decided that maybe it was some kind of sign from the universe that it wasn’t meant to be.

And Tom… it took awhile to feel comfortable with him again, too. Even though it wasn’t his fault, you almost gave up. Only he wouldn’t let you. He was there to help you through it. He made it better. Somehow.

Tom always knew the steps you were going to make before you made them, reading you like a book and studying the way your body moved to pick up right where you left off. It was the best part of your relationship. He knew _you_ better than anyone else.

You would have figured it out on your own; that you were strong enough. That it was just a setback. An ounce of pain you had to endure compared to what you’d feel if you stopped and he was right. After a month off, seemingly endless doctor visits —- including the surgery, which took the most time to bounce back from -— and physical therapy, you decided it was now or never. You started dancing again and sometimes it was easy to fall right back into rhythm and let your body remember what it was like to feel weightless. Other times… it felt like you were still stuck in the healing process.

**PRELUDE.**

“Alright, let’s go again.” Tom paced, frantically moving his hands in the direction of the spin move he’d just finished, counting the steps in his head. He was in full performance mode, even though the two of you were just practicing in his room. You noticed his eyebrows caving in and how his lips were pressed to a thin line, both signs that he was focused and ready.

So you danced… together like you always do. Perfectly matching the others pace, knowing where their hands needed to be, feet shifting between spins and jumps without effort but as soon as he started to lift you up for the final move, the one you had been trying to avoid for weeks, you panicked. You could practically hear your heart beating wildly as your mind wandered back, almost feeling the pain in your ribs, imagining the dislocation like it was about to happen all over again.

Struggling to catch your breath, you squirmed in his grasp. “No, stop! I can’t— I can’t do it.”

“Come on, Y/N. We’re so close, you—”

“Fuck, Tom. Put. Me. _Down_.” you yelled, growing angrier with every second that his hands were still on you.

“Dammit… you need to _trust me_. This is never going to work if you don’t… and if that’s the case, then why the _fuck_ did you want to do another lift?” He yelled back and you could tell it startled him as much as it had you.

You never really fought like this and you knew emotions were already at an all-time high but for him to push you the way he was trying to… it was new and something you never expected from him.

“Screw you, Tom. I’m out. And you’re right… this isn’t working.” You started gathering your belongings, pulling your shirt back on over your sports bra and grabbing your boots.

“Wait. What does that even mean? You’re out?”

“It means you need a new partner. Maybe she’ll be less damaged.” It was the last thing you said before walking out, words tasting bitter on your tongue but his words kept replaying in your head.

**_You need to trust me._ **

You really thought you did. You wanted to, but this was about the fear that coursed through your veins at the mere thought of having to do the overhead lift again, which you thought you’d be ready for. There was no way to explain it. No way to make Tom understand what it felt like, and it didn’t seem like he _wanted_ to understand. All he cared about was the perfect score, doing well in the competition and impressing the talent scouts that were going to be in the audience and that was what hurt the most. Your entire partnership was about more than just the dancing. It was about caring about the other as a person, and the fact that it didn’t seem like he did… that was the ultimate betrayal of your trust, something you weren’t sure you could get past.

**INTERLUDE.**  
**( TOM’S POV )**

“Did you talk to her?” Tom asked, pacing in his dressing room as Harrison sat on the arm of the small couch that was set up in the corner.

“Yes.”

“And?”

“Sorry, mate… I don’t think she’s coming.”

That was all Harrison had to say to make Tom’s heart drop completely. He knew he messed up big time and maybe he had no right to hope you would show up to watch him perform but he couldn’t help himself from doing so anyway.

Without you there, it already felt like everything would go wrong and considering as well as his practices with Emma had gone, he didn’t know what to expect. She was an incredible dancer but he just couldn’t seem to connect or feel comfortable with her in the same way he did with you. Tracking her was nearly impossible. She moved differently, never the right balance between too fast and too slow but it didn’t matter, Tom always fell a little short which only annoyed her.

“Look, just— do your best, alright? Y’got this.” Harrison spoke up, doing his best to hype his friend up but all it did was make Tom more nervous.

“Y-yeah, thanks.”

Every performance was different, that much he knew, but none were as important as this one and as soon as he thought about you, it was more than just the want he had for you to be there. He wanted you next to him. Dancing _with_ him like you were always meant to be. This was supposed to be your night, too and the guilt he’d carried over the last month, was rushing to the surface and it only got worse as the bell rang to signal he was up next.

“Tom?”

“Hmm?”

“Breathe, man.” Harrison stood, clapping Tom on the back as he walked out of the room, making room for Emma to come in and start prepping.

“Are you ready?” She asked him quietly, a definite change from the way she snapped at him hours earlier for not listening when she ran through the beginning steps again and all he could do was nod as she took his hand.

Tom let her lead the way to the stage. Let her guide them into the start of their routine. Let her take complete control because as the song got louder, his head became more and more clouded and it took all he had to try and focus again.  
So he thought about you, only now, it was about the way **_your hands fit clutched in his when he pulls you close, holding you there before dipping you back_**. Your **_lips nearly touching his, soft and warm as your breath cascades over his face, only to be separated shortly after_**. Never actually meeting. Picking you up, **_lifting you as you hold on to his shoulders_** , and how he swore he would never let you fall again. It was your beautiful eyes, angel smile, and coconut scent, all surrounding him in a desperate haze as the song came to an end and he realized he had done it. The crowd roared, including the scouts all lined up in the back of the theatre but he caught himself still searching for you.

**ENCORE.**  
**( READER’S POV )**

Not long after Harrison left, you decided that he was right, and that you needed to go. To be there, even if you weren’t the one sharing the stage with him. You arrived just before they closed the doors, slipping in and instantly searching for Harrison.

“Look who decided to show up after all,” he said, grinning as you sat down next to him.

“Yeah, well…” You settled into your seat as the lights dimmed and the curtain rose.

You were completely in your head as a few other pairs of dancers took the stage. It wasn’t until Tom and who must have been his new partner, were up, that you were fully paying attention. This was the first time you’d seen him in weeks, and you had to admit that as relieved as you were to see him, your heart ached because he was onstage, performing your routine flawlessly, with someone other than you. It was a big reason why you were hesitant about coming in the first place but as you sat at home alone, unable to quiet your thoughts, you knew there was _no way_ you could miss it.

Tonight was big for Tom and you promised yourself a long time ago that you would be there for _all_ of his big moments, even if they didn’t include you. So you watched him dance, like you had a million times before but this time you weren’t watching him from two feet away while he leans so naturally into your touch. You were watching as just another face in the audience, left standing as the song came to an end and the theater echoed with applause.

“I’m gonna go wait backstage.”

Harrison simply nodded, failing at trying to hide the knowing smile on his face.

It felt like you’d been in his dressing room for hours, though and it wasn’t like you weren’t happy for him, you knew he had just given the performance of his life and he deserved to celebrate. You were, but you’d had enough of feeling left behind tonight and the last thing you wanted to do was ruin it for him so you planned to say your congrats and then leave.

“Y/N?” Tom’s voice came from behind you, a mix of shock and relief as you turned with a warm smile. “You came…”

“Of course I did.”

You hated that he seemed to truly believe you wouldn’t show up but that was on you. The last month had taken so much out of you. Not having him to turn to every day, doing everything you could to not text him back, was the worst part. “You did amazing.”

His cheeks flushed a bright red as he smiled and looked down at his feet awkwardly, hand instinctively reaching for the back of his neck. “Oh, uh— thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

Now you were both quiet and the air was thick and you just wanted out and away from how awkward it was and the reason that it was and it was too much.

“I’m sorry. I can’t do this.”

“Wait!” Tom called after you, desperately trying to figure out what he could say that would make you stay. “Do you remember when we were ten, and I sprained my ankle? You rolled your eyes and told me to—”

“Suck it up,” you said, hesitantly turning back around to face him. “How could I forget?”

He nodded. “You said that I would be fine. I thought that you were crazy because it hurt like hell and I was… _really_ dramatic.” His brown eyes sparkled as he laughed, recalling the memory before they quickly filled with guilt.

“Then you got hurt and after that, I was terrified to even touch you because I was afraid of that happening again. I had told you it was crazy for us to do that lift without more practice but you insisted… just like the first time you told me you loved me. I thought that you were crazy because how could someone as beautiful and selfless as you, love _me_? I didn’t say it back, then, and I’ve never been able to let that go.” His voice faltered as he took a step forward, shaking his head as if he was trying to clear it, to get rid of the tears that had formed in his eyes. He almost felt embarrassed, but then he remembered that it was **you** and that he didn’t have to hide anything. He couldn’t. Not anymore.

Tom was silent for a moment and you were left standing there, staring at him as if it were the very first time. This was everything you’d been waiting for, hearing him finally say the words after spending years still trying to deny your feelings.

“I know I’m rambling and that I screwed up. I’m so sorry, Y/N. I don’t expect this to fix anything, but you need to know that… I love you. I have since the first moment I heard you laugh and that night I snuck into your room at 2am after you texted me saying you had a bad dream and wanted to be held. God, I think I loved you before I even knew what love was.” He laughed once more, trying to make sense of it all while his heart still raced with adrenaline.

There was no possible way for you to say anything now because he’d already said everything you’d wanted to say, for you. So you didn’t. Instead, you finally gave in to that pounding desire in your chest and captured his lips against your own, sinking into him like you’d so desperately wanted to all these years and it felt better than you ever thought it could.  
He already knew your body, had already captured your hips in his hands to keep you close, and yours were already wrapped around his neck, fingers combing through his short curls. That part was familiar, but his lips? They were brand new, undiscovered territory that you wanted to keep exploring. Like a new routine. Because somehow, your lips danced together perfectly, too.

Tom stopped as you both breathed heavily but he didn’t go far. He brought his hand up to your face, catching your tears with his thumb and rested his forehead against yours. “Fuck, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. Every move I made, every step, I thought about what it was like doing them with you… not her and… I don’t want to dance anymore unless i’m doing it with you.”

“Really?”

His sweet eyes found yours, hoping that if you simply looked in them, you’d know he meant every word and you did. No one had ever looked at you the way Tom did, but now it was a new look that you’d spent your entire life waiting for.  
･ ｡ﾟ : *. ･ ｡ﾟ⊹ : *. ･ ｡ﾟ : *. ･ ｡ﾟ⊹ : *.


End file.
